run, run, run, all you do is fucking run, but you can never run away from yourself

i've tried to shut everthing out. to stop remembering. to keep myself from remembering. to stop playing the same simulated arguements over and over in my head. having friends around helps. not always, cause there will always be one song we listen to that will bring me down to earth. i will always have regrets of what i could've done and should've done better. i think im starting to accept that there will always be words left unsaid, but that doesn't mean they don't haunt you, keep you from sleeping that great. i'm going to get over it. there's nothing else to do. i guess that's why friends make me feel better. they've already moved on, hell, they probably don't even know half of what i'm feeling.

i'm going to be going to my first real job tomorrow. i'm working for nick's dad as a so called "rodman." i have no idea what the means. it does include wearing boots, warm clothing, and to get up bright and early. so good night.