We're Off To Save The World Once Again, But I Don't Know How We'll Pull It Off, This Time I Think I'm Going to Drown*

*Just had to fix the last post's title.

We're Off To Save The World Once Again, This Time I Think I'm Going to Drown

Wow, how long has it been? Doesn't matter I guess.

Hope everyone's doing alright. I'm feeling a bit more depressed and lonely than usual. I don't know. Could be because I've been listening to Park at least once a day for the past week. That'd probably do it.

I feel like I have a lot of trouble explaining myself to people. I try to talk about how I'm feeling at some moment and for some reason, I can't help but think that they're just not getting me completely. Maybe I'm too evasive about what I'm feeling still?

Midterms have come and gone. I'm a bit pissed about the 91 on my science midterm and a bit relieved about the 95 on my math regeants. What I don't understand is how my dad doesn't seem to appreciate how well I'm doing in school. Anything below perfect is something that he'll look down on. Now I know where I get that from.

I'm sporadically reading again. Player Piano, by Kurt Vonnegut. I keep coming back to this guy's books. He's a really good writer and satirist. And I understand what the book is about now too. Maybe that's because the last book I read was Brave New World, a weird one, but similar in certain aspects.

There's something not quite right with the world. Fathers putting pressure on their children to meet standards that they didn't reach, and religious people who believe that the answer to everything you ever need to worry about is 'God.' God seems to be in somewhat of a catch 22. When a 'miracle' happens, God gets all the thanks and praise, if a little girl gets violently raped/murdered, he works in mysterious ways. Let's not forget our peers. It seems harder and harder to fit in with some people. Some just seem to have drifted away. Others you are with everyday, but they've...changed.

There probably is more wrong with the world still. I just haven't opened my eyes enough. There's so much hypocrasy. There's so much pain. I've seen this much so far. I've been a victim of both. Maybe it's not so much as opening my eyes, but experiencing it firsthand.

it's only a matter of time, before I run far away, I need to take a holiday, maybe it's a fall from grace, I need to find a new place

Hey everyone. Hope you all had a good week so far. It's finally getting colder. Up yours global warming.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. There's two tests tomorrow and two tests friday. I've got an english short story to write still, and a world history paper that's in worse condition than the short story. I'm so screwed.

High school feels to overwhelming. Christmas vacation wasn't a long enough of a break for me to relax and really enjoy living a bit. Everday is work, work, work. I propose that someone should make a new holiday. One that'll give us like 2 and a half weeks of time to relax. Which means no homework packets, and no projects. A holiday where we can pretend that school hasn't taken over so much of our lives.

Now for a name..."Hookey Vacation" comes to mind. Ah, but it seems so unoriginal. "National Lack of School Week"? "Leave Me Alone for the Next Two and a Half Weeks"? Maybe a name isn't so important.

There doesn't seem to be such thing as vacation anymore. I was supposed to be making progress on my short story and world history paper over vacation. The math teacher gave us a 10 paged packet of stuff that she explained almost none of. That combined with a sucky Christmas and 5 days away from home ruined what little of a break I had from school.

I'm going to go do something. I don't know what. I'm tired of World of Warcraft. I don't have any books to read anymore. It's too late for music. Looks like I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight for the third or fourth time in a row.

The Futile, the Futile, it Outweighs the Beautiful

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone. I got a 360! Nice! Then I got a bunch of music cds that I can't stop listening to.

I went upstate to ski. I got really homesick. But now that I'm home I got all this work to do. Wow, and tomorrow's our last day of vacation. Project, short story, math packet. Ugh.

Something happened this year. Both Christmas day and New Year's Eve didn't have the same spirit that it had for me in previous years. It was just another day. Since my family left for skiing on Christmas and left really early, I can see why the "Christmas Spirit" had died. For New Years, well, I have no clue. It was just one day going into another. It's going to be the same as any other day.

I got homesick upstate. I missed my friends. I didn't call anyone though. I don't know why. I don't really call people just to talk. I would stop skiing, go into the lodge and sit around. Skiing with my sister was just as lonely as being by myself. We couldn't go back into the hotel because my dad pretty much hogged it for himself. His back has been really bothering him. He lays down a lot. But it's really annoying when you can't do anything else except ski because someone needed a break from 'everyone else.'

The sleepover at JB's was pretty fun. I got really lonely and stuff right before the ball dropped. Maybe that took the fun away. But it was a lot of fun singing Taking Back Sunday songs while John played the guitar. In my opinion, I have an awful singing voice. But singing now has become my way of saying "Shove it." to the world and it's demands for physical, emotional, and mental pefection.

That's what bothers me sometimes. There's something that tells you that the world just has to be perfect. Every little detail in organized order. Everything in line, everything uniform. Now there's a part of me that just says, "fuck this" or something close to that. Why does everything have to be the same? That's funny coming from me. I wear the same thing everyday. I get up at the same time virtually every day. I eat around the same time everyday. FUCK THIS!

That was some good venting. I don't feel any better about it, but I wanted to say something. And John said I was overdue for an blog update. So in the immortal words of Porky the Pig, "Abiggida, abiggida, that's all folks."

P.S. To anyone who reads my blog. Feel free to comment. That's part of the reason why I have a blog. Stop making Pat do all the work.