Here I am, doing everything I can, holding on to what I have, pretending I'm a superman

Things feel better. I don't take them so seriously anymore. What happens, happens, and you can't always bring back what you thought made you happy. I don't feel serious anymore. I'm going to try to live day by day, taking it as it comes because worrying about the future and regretting the past has gotten me nowhere except deeper into my own private little hell.

I saw the Breakfast Club for the first time this morning. That was an amazing movie.

I shoveled straw on a beach today for fund raising for the relay for life. That's next month. The year went by really fast. It's hard to believe that it's really been 8 months since the beginning of the school year. I feel like I've grown a bit. Which is kind of ironic because "growing up" is supposed to involve maturing in some way. But it doesn't feel that way, it's more just a new way to look at life. I kind of feel like some things should not be taken as seriously as I used to take them, that I'm a teenager and I'm supposed to make mistakes, dislike my parents, question my faith, question society, myself, everything. None of it should be suppressed, none of myself.

I woke up one or two days ago realizing I still wasn't quite sure who I was. That I was kind of just fitting in with everyone else. Then at the concert John decided to point out to everyone my lace patterned shirt. I liked it. Still do. Doesn't make my gay or anything, in fact, I'm one of the straightest people I know. I've also taken my chest deformity less seriously. It's there and all, maybe looks weird, but whatever. Anyway, my point is, I'm going to embrace whatever the hell it is that makes me stand out, because that's really all I can think of to keep my individuality and not get lost in new friends, new groups, criticisms and hypocrisy.

I'm going to watch Smokin' Aces now. Peace.