there she goes again, and again, and again, and again...

I feel happy. It's weird. It's just, I don't know, things are looking better, I think. Things feel better. The weather's great, I have friends to appreciate the weather with me, and, um, I don't know, I just feel happy. I'm playing Fire Emblem again. I had previously stopped playing it because I got tired of getting the people I was controlling killed, not that they still don't get killed. I'm reading The Waste Lands, by Stephen King. Amazing book. I'm going to be playing football today down at the school field. That was the plan at least, there might be some little league baseball players down there. I hope we can play. It was really fun last time.

This post feels too short still. I uninstalled World and Warcraft from my computer. I had been playing it the night before 3 tests. I got 77 on the math, 72 on the english and 98 on spanish. That's why I'm not playing WoW anymore. I need to get my priorities in line and doing well in school is more important than getting to the next level and talking with people I don't even know. Now I'm a bit worried I'm addicted to Fire Emblem. I got an 88 on my latest math test. I was playing Fire Emblem the night before. I did study though too. I don't know what I did wrong yet, but I know I have to find a balance somehow between video games and school work. I just realized how much this sounds like an addiction. Jeez.

I'm in a band now. I'm supposed to be playing keyboard or trumpet. Probably mostly trumpet because I haven't played the keyboard since 2nd grade. We sound really good. Well, considering we haven't really worked out and keyboard parts and I haven't brough my trumpet to any practices, the 'we' in the last sentences refers to everyone else but me.

I have an outline to do. Who knew that someone could write a whole chapter on slavery? I didn't. And to be honest, I'm sick of it already.

New Shoes - Paolo Nutini

Woke up cold one tuesday, I'm looking tired and feeling quite sick, I felt like there was something missing in my day to day life, So i quickly opened the wardrobe, Pulled out some jeans and a T-Shirt that seemed clean, Topped it off with a pair of old shoes, That were ripped around the seams, And i thought these shoes just don't suit me.

Hey, I put some new shoes on, And suddenly everything is right, I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling, It so inviting, Oh, short on money, But long on time, Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine, And i'm running late, And i dont need an excuse, 'cause i'm wearing my brand new shoes.

Woke up late one thursday, And i'm seeing stars as i'm rubbing my eyes, And i felt like there were two days missing, As i focused all the time, And i made my way to the kitchen, But i had to stop from the shock of what i found, A room full of all my friends dancing round and round, And i thought hello new shoes, Byebye them blues.

Take me wondering through these streets, Where bright lights and angels meet, Stone to stone they take me on, Im walking to the break of dawn.

Take me wondering through these streets

run, run, run, all you do is fucking run, but you can never run away from yourself

i've tried to shut everthing out. to stop remembering. to keep myself from remembering. to stop playing the same simulated arguements over and over in my head. having friends around helps. not always, cause there will always be one song we listen to that will bring me down to earth. i will always have regrets of what i could've done and should've done better. i think im starting to accept that there will always be words left unsaid, but that doesn't mean they don't haunt you, keep you from sleeping that great. i'm going to get over it. there's nothing else to do. i guess that's why friends make me feel better. they've already moved on, hell, they probably don't even know half of what i'm feeling.

i'm going to be going to my first real job tomorrow. i'm working for nick's dad as a so called "rodman." i have no idea what the means. it does include wearing boots, warm clothing, and to get up bright and early. so good night.