Thursday, March 22, 2007

the scary thing is, that skirt actually fit

I do feel better since my last post. I still have times where things just suck, but there are still some okay things going on.

Spring's here for one and it's actually the best day we've had in forever. I haven't done anything in DDP for about a week because our teacher isn't coming back next year and is taking as many sick days as he wants. I'm reading an awesome book by Stephen King. We're going to have a fica in english class next wednesday. I'm bring the sparkling apple cider (unfermented of course). And that stuff is really good. I mean it's like the bee's knees and the cat's pajamas at the same time. Something about the weather seems to have put me into a good mood. I could go outside in a t-shirt if I wanted to right now. I do have homework though. I got the highest test grade in social studies. I'm not going to brag though, except maybe to Sophia. I feel bad for everyone else and I don't want to come across as an ass to everyone. Unless I did that already. In which case, anyone in my classes or in school that thinks I'm an ass: I apologize. And to those who think I'm crazy: You're absolutly right. But then, I'm not supposed to know I'm crazy, right? Not crazy then, weird. Which is alright. We all have our quirks and shortcomings. It's important not to be ashamed or embarassed about them. It's harder than it sounds, as you probably know.

I'm a bit upset that stage crew is over. I enjoyed that. I felt apart of something. That I was making a purpose for myself. Putting myself to work kept my mind off things I just don't want to think about. Plus hanging out in the "kitchen" in between scenes, grabbing sodas out of the teacher's lounge, and walking around in a skirt and bandana was a lot of careless, senseless fun. The play, for you people out there who didn't go (what the hell is wrong with you?) was amazing. And I heard it was a big success (I couldn't tell, I was behind the curtain most of the time. You should've went.

Alright, that was an amazing tangent of thought. I'm gonna do some homework.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I'm not okay. I don't feel the least bit okay with myself and how my life's turned out. I don't really care who knows anymore. Someone please save me from myself...

I feel so hollow, worthless, broken, and just generally depressed. I worry about how people think of me, despite the facade I put up in front of everyone. I don't think I'll finish my homework tonight. One, the math homework is inhumanly long, two: I just don't feel like it. I just don't give a damn anymore. I feel like I'm going nowhere, and things just aren't worth it anymore.

I need to get out of here. Here referring to this state. My family annoys the hell out of me, something far worse than a broken heart (go for wrapped in barbed wire, then stuck in an oven until it's blacker than the rest of the coals).

I want to be happy again. There's just nothing that really would do that for me anymore.

I'm gonna go sulk and be miserable. I might do some work. I just can't care enough anymore.